You Stink

Mini Tour

Tue, 23 Nov 2004 01:33:16 GMT

Fuck Yeah.

Friday after school I piled into the car to drive up to anahiem where the hotel, and my first gig for the weekend was. We ate at Denny's (ugh what an awful establishment) got to the room hung out for a while and went to the show.

Friday Nights show was after a n NA meeting. What a fucking rowdy, but fun, crowd. They LOVED dirty shit and didn't mind having a conversation with you during your set. I loved it and had a great time there. I didn't do awesomely, but I did really well for the audience I was playing. What a shithole.

Saturday I woke up and went to the Block at Orange. Baught clothes and whatnot and uh..got my ear peirced. Huddla Huddla, I really am an impulsive and piercing loving jackass. Ate and whatever then went up to the show for that night in West Hollywood. Humph, the awful show was cancelled without letting any of the comedians there know. Fuck them. My mother and I ate at Hard Rock down the street instead. Fuck that place.

Sunday Woke up, went to Crystal Cathedral, went to the block again, whatever fuck this bullshit I wana talk about sunday night.

WHAT A KICKASS SHOW. It was in a hole int he wall bar in Covina (Near LA). Being famous, I got 2 comp drinks..(so did all the comics). The cool part is it was my boys from Riverside. Gabriel Paul, Ace, Rick Rome, Winkles or some shit. I killed that night. I have it documented me fucking slaying a heckler. this Nicaraguan fellow who kept on wanting to ask the comics questions while they were on stage. I met Johnny Dam, the booker for Ontario Improv shows. He is lookin at my stuff. Heh, rad.

Nick Beasley Loves You

Preliminary Round

Sat, 06 Nov 2004 03:31:41 GMT

My mother and I drove up Thursday evening to Huntington BEach for a little comedy competition I have been talking about. We got there and I went in, this place, Martini Blues, is fucking WILD. It is a 1940's type place. All these jazz bands playing and black guys wearing fadoras, its nuts. The competition is held in the Legends Room, this rad place with a big stage and tables and stuff. Real cool place to do it...I met Bill Word, the guy who runs it and some of the comics. A lot of them didnt really aknowledge me so whatever.

We comics went to the back before the show for a little talk about what will happen that night. Just voting stuff and the runthrough. We picked who would go when and went back out. There were about 25-30 people in the audience. That is pretty good for preliminary round if you ask me. To be frank, a lot of people just ate it on stage. It was quite akward, but not my problem. I was scheduled to go up 4th and I went on stage. My intro music kicked ass, some Negro rap or something. I went on and slayed. Not one of my jokes didnt get laughs and it was the meanest set ive ever done.

Other comics went, I would say the comic of the night would be Jay Jones, He was funny. He is an african american fellow who brought a lot of his friends. I think he would have made it to quarter finals no problem even if he didnt have those people voting for him. Fantastic set, sir. After all the 10 comics went up, they brought the comics back on stage so the audience could see them before they voted for the top four. They herded us off stage and gathered the ballots from people. Political jokes were said, I moaned, they counted the votes while this funny guy was doing a set and they brought us back on stage.

Forst comic going to quarter finals....Jay Jones (african american fellow)

Second comic going to quarter finals...Joe Sullivan (white fellow)

Third comic going to quarter finals...Miss Leggero (female comic)

The last comic going on to the quarter finals...Nick Beasley (handsome fellow)

Thanks for the drama fellas...My face turned white after the third person who was called wasnt me. But I made it and I am excited. I was the only guy there who only had one person there voting for them specifically. I won the hearts of many that night. I am excited to move on.

Fuck spelling.

feeling pretty good.

Wed, 27 Oct 2004 02:48:55 GMT

Well, apart from finding out I am not doing so hot in Econ, I am a it bummed, but I am on this surreal "high" right now. No, not the drug high you little jokers! Today with the clouds and all it felt really good just hanging out playing some Sims 2 and listening to Opie and Anthony. It is continuing to be a fucking fantastic show. i wrote a little material today that is REALLY hit or miss. I sorta want to get in a little practice in before the show, I am not too sure though. It would be too hard to go anywhere around faggoty san diego. What a segue!

San Diego stinks, and only for one reason. There is no comedy out here. Sure we are gifted with many venues capable of putting on a good show but there are no comedians around here to put in the show. West Coast comedy fucking stinks. ESPECIALLY down here, and I know why. It is partially the whole hollywood thing where people only do standup to get ahead in Tv and Movies, but I know it is somethign else. It is you coffee sipping FAGGOTS who go see local comedy shows. Alcohol is needed for a laugh. a couple of weeks ago I fucking bombed doing an 8 minute set at Claire De Lune's Comic Stand. Sure there was some fault of my own, but there was no alcohol. The NEXT day I did a spot in Riverside at this fantastic bar named Mcallinns. I did much better there as you can tell at the recording on my website. People there had a couple beers in them and they could unclench their little stink flowers for one moment to laugh at a fat girl joke. It also is partially because people in Riverside are "cruder" than in San Diego. We are in such a little bubble here and so politcally correct all the time. Everyone here has a cause be it Food Not Bombs or the Gay Straight Alliance or omer environment bullshit. It may sound like I am picking on Kelly Kay because she belinds to 2/3 if not all three of those types of groups.

I don't have much against some of those groups, definantly not enough to make a substantial difference, I am not battling the idea of the group, I am battling the people in the group. Well, Okay, I am battling the idea of some of the groups. Some of you people get SOOO offended at some things I say. Oh no, he made a joke about a coathander sticking through little conner petersons head, sure its sad, but it is humorous and shouldnt result in a "oh my god nick beasley you are a fucking jackass."

Think of it this way, some of you people here cant take some things laughingly. What about when my daughter gets date raped, I will be able to see it in a little better light then some of you people. Sure I would like to give the oppertunistic gentlem,an who raped my daughter two metal pipes to smoke a shell out of but I wont be devistated. I will eventually get over it, so would you but I would much quicker because I am so desensitized. You can say all the terrible things that happened to you and how you still have such a sensitive side, but a lot has happened to me and I RARELY complain or anything about deaths in my family and whatnot. A lot of you didn't know for many months that my father died when I was 6 or 7 (I dont remember, I stink). Alls Im saying is get used to shitty stuff and just find something funny about when you have a miscarriage when you really wanted that kid. Think of a zinger when you are trying to use a Rug Doctor on the little blood and placenta stain on the berber carpet.

I degress (whatever that means). Listen to Jim Norton, Watch Tough Crowd, Buy XM radio and listen to Opie and Anthony and lose the sensitivity, west coast. I'm originally east coast (for about 2 weeks in conneticut and then 7 years in Louisiana (the south)) so I can rib the west coast a little :).

If you don't believe its a regional thing, and think its that I am a shitty comic which many of you do...its a regional thing and I have a list of 20 shitty comics working in LA to prove I am the hope for the west coast comedy scene.

And appearnaly telling Doug to not touch me is "thinking i can tell him what to do". Literally its correct, but hey, underhanded fightin worked once against the british. Im not saying I want to fight, but if he still wants to bother me I shouldnt have to put up with it. And hey, if he doesnt bother me and would like to genuinly talk about stuff and whatnot without harassing me, I'm all for it, just keep your limey hands to yourself.

Back Up

Tue, 26 Oct 2004 03:07:04 GMT

Well, time sure does fly when you are sitting on your ass listening to XM. I have done absolutely fucking nothing lately. I am really looking forward to getting back on stage the 4th. I know a couple of faggots from CH (not all of them, a couple are real swell guys) aren't too excited about me doing standup. Oh well, no point on getting into that now.

I am feeling better. For a couple weeks I have been feeling like a worthless shit. I can feel myself starting to get back up on my tower of self confidence and complete asshole-ish-ness. Opie and Anthony are cheering me up and the prospect of dog well in a West Coast comedy competition have me amped to be best of the worst.

I strongly recommend XM radio. Although I know a lot of wonderful people who don't really listen to mainstream and whatnot that may not enjoy it. Oh well.

Come to think of it, they are the same people who say "cringe!!" at everything a little "edgy" i say. I guess they are right. It's the same as me rightfully calling them faggots when they wear girls pants. Appearantly they do it for the chicks. I dont know how wearing a fucking tournaqette on your balls is good, but I personally think it's a stupid idea. Now go ahead and anonymously post (even though I am pretty sure it was a rad CH person who posted that, come to think of it. I lvoe CH, but some of them are douches)

Good old Doug pushed me over when I was sitting on a rock. I don't like him. Go ahead and send this to him all you want (even though i feel like an ass assuming anyone reads this nonsence). I may do some asshole stuff, but I RARELY touch anybody. I make people feel bad about their weight (i can hear idiots saying CRINGE!!! now) and whatnot, but I cant remember the last time I touched someone for a gag (deepthroat jokes abound!). Hey doug, howbout you don't fucking touch me. I hate saying this awful teenage bullshit but just refrain from bothering me/talking to me/touching me.

I am back with avengance.

XM Radio

Sun, 24 Oct 2004 00:38:44 GMT

It was my birthday yesterday. My gift from my mom was XM radio. It sounds great. I got HighVoltage which is the Opie and Anthony station. I am LOVING it.

Check out some Opie and Anthony stuff...

www.oavirus.com

Mushroom Slap...that's silly.

Tue, 05 Oct 2004 05:55:02 GMT

GREAT time sunday night. I only got to do one of the shows I planned, but boy was it a killer. Sucks that I don't remember the name of the bar. They put on this comedy show once a month with some cool local comics in the area. I had a great time standing around on the patio of the place talking with the guys. Coolie (sp?) did awesomely that night. I didn't get to see all the comics but I will give a runthrough of the comics I saw:

Coolie: GREAT set. I laughed. First black man I laughed at that wasn't forced out of being intimidated...much.

Denado: Good job. Great stage presence (ugh im 16, what do I know). Not particularly my cup of tea as far as humor style goes but awesome delivery.

Gabriel Paul: Laughed my balls of on the Macy Gray joke. Rad set, we gotta go on the road...or something...

Me: That is your job. Ha Ha... I applaud insults if they are funny. If they are lame, ughm you stink and I hope your wife has a miscarrage while you are giving her oral. Nice things are taken too :)

Ace: Set of the night. He absolutely KILLED. My own mother was laughing when he made reference to having sex with her.

Gabe, Ace, Mom and I had to leave after Ace's set. We had to get back to San Diego. We had to run out on Ricks set. Ace and Gabe are rad dudes. I want to start a once a month room down here. Some place they serve alcohol...maybe a place they can have minors.. Any suggestions?

Ok, Critique me... www.nickbeasley.com/audio RIGHT CLICK AND SAVE AS YOU TWATS

It's like a mini tour.

Sun, 03 Oct 2004 23:35:28 GMT

This week has been a hectic one for me. On wednesday I did Romano's up in Riverside which I already wrote about. Last night I unknowingly did Claire De Lune (The Comic Stand). boy did I stink last night. I got laughs but some of my jokes did awfully. I know the problem...My first joke SUUUCKED. I stink.

Well, In a couple of minutes I am leaving for riverside AGAIN to do some shows with Gabriel Paul and his friend Ace. I am hopefully- err..I AM going to rock the mike there.

I got the Jim Norton CD and a shirt...it rocks.

Patrick is writing a set, he seems interested. I have read some of his stuff and on paper it looks good...but can he deliver? We will see..

I am out.

That's not funny! That's fucking SICK!

Fri, 01 Oct 2004 06:21:44 GMT

Romano's KICKED ASS! Gabriel Paul was a rad dude, the comics were rad dudes and the audience was a group of 25-35 rad dudes.

The ride up there with my mommy was pretty cool. We listened to Rock 105.3 the whole time and rocked out. We ate at applebee's...I hate their spunk (in my food). The rest of the way was boring, but rocking out was rad.

I got to romanos and the place looked dead...DEAD. I watched the Angels game on the tube in the bar and just sat around. Gabriel got their like 30 minutes later and we talked outside for a while while the other couple comics were showing up. We were having a nice chat as people started to dribble in to the bar. By the time we started it there were about 25 people. By the time I got up there were 30 or so. The best part of my set was this one woman saying "Thats not funny...thats fucking SICK!" after my SIDS joke. Jokes on her (ugh, punny type thing) but the people she was with and the rest of the audience/wait staff and comics were laughing their balls off...I hear from Gabriel that the headliner ruined her.

I went up and killed. I recorded it, the recording is too big to put ont he site so if you want it AIM me at EatAnAIDSNeedle and I will send it if I am not terribly busy. I am in talks with Gabriel about doing some shows up there sunday. There is no guaruntee but it is a hopeful.

How is everyone?

Sicklier Than Usual

Sun, 26 Sep 2004 23:53:49 GMT

Well, because of that awful Santa Ana wind bullshit, I am a little under the weather. Not only am I under the weather, but my rad laptop ha been sickly as well, it is pissing me off. Not all of me is brooded anger though, there are some good things happening with me also. I will do the pleasure of making an LJ cut so you non-Nick Beasley fans don't have to read about my happenings, silly geese.

The Upcoming Show: I am quite psyched about this Wednesday. I will be in Riverside at The Comedy Lounge @ Romano's for a 15 minute booked spot. I have talked with the booker, Gabriel Paul, and he said the audience is pretty cringy and my material will go over there. He loved my recording and is talking about helping me out a little in the area. We talked about the return of Opie and Anthony . We are both excited for the October 4'th debut on XM radio.

The Job: It seems I may have a job at Vons soon. The manager seemed excited to talk to me and told me a call would come today about a drug test. I plan on putting all my money into a savings account so I can pay for the months I will be spending in LA during the summer. I am not terribly excited about working, but I am excited about money.

The Site: I am going to be making a site for myself and my comedy. It is going to be nothing flashy but it will get the job done. Be on the lookout for a meek nickbeasley.com .

Over and Out, champ.